So glad to see that Tabatha at The Opposite of Indifference is providing all the poetry goodness this week. I've been taking a poetry class through Georgia Heard's The Poet's Studio. It's a reminder if the importance in connecting with other poets during this crazy time period of history. For the final assignment, we focused on the music and sounds with poetry. Given the option to revise a poem, I chose Grandmother's Garden. I was surprised today to discover I actually wrote the original poem, almost ten years ago! we waited for moonrise atop the roof while the beets grew lesser moons below in the garden soil we forgot to plow stars flickered as we tried remembering constellations and slugs harvested garden greens in the garden soil we forgot to plow as we waited for moonrise atop the roof Below are the pages from my notebook. I decided to write the 2010 poem as a pantuom in 2016. So for class I looked at the sounds by color coding sounds and thinking about revisions such as moving it to present tense. I've been thinking about the comments and feedback from class. One thing I have spent time with over the past few days is the purpose of this poem. For me, it's the dreamlike quality of waiting for the moon to rise in late summer. It's a magical moment. A comment was made about the word "pummel". The idea of watermelon seeds flying through the sky makes me smile but I wondered if pummel was the best word for this dream like poem. So I changed the word, Same with the line, "Then Ursa Major growls, bares her teeth". I love that image but I was it what I really wanted? So I made a change in that line as well. In Grandmother’s Garden by Jone Rush MacCulloch We wait for moonrise in grandmother’s garden Below us, beets, the lesser moons grow loamy soil between our toes in grandmother’s garden we search for slinking nightcrawlers loamy soil between our toes watermelon seeds soar through the sky we search for slinking nightcrawlers slugs harvest zucchini flowers watermelon seeds soar through the sky as stars in a celestial bowl slugs harvest zucchini flowers purple-blackberries ripen on vines as stars in a celestial bowl nectar bats hover low purple-blackberries ripen on vines below us, beets, the lesser moons grow nectar bats hover low We wait for moonrise CONGRATULATIONS TO
Irene Latham Michelle Kogan Sara Lewis Holmes Bridget Magee Carol Labuzetta Please HOP TO IT and email me at macrush53 @ yahoo dot com with your snail mail address so the books can be sent out mid-October. Much thanks to Pomelo Books for providing copies. 10/2/2020 12:37:43 pm
I love the "stars in a celestial bowl/nectar bats hover low" and enjoyed seeing the changes, Jone.
Tabatha
10/2/2020 12:50:20 pm
Good job capturing the dreamlike quality you were striving for! Your poem creates a mood that is otherworldly and earthy at the same time. 💜 10/2/2020 01:29:32 pm
Thank you for sharing your revision process. I am always curious on how to revise. It can feel so daunting! Your poem is wonderful!
Linda Mitchell
10/3/2020 02:21:07 am
Oh, Jone! You had me at waiting for moonrise....and then the lesesr moons of the beets below. Wow. Well done. A gorgeous poem. I hope you share this with others in your generation who remember this Grandma. 10/3/2020 07:43:04 am
Thank you for this peek into your revision process, Jone! Fascinating! And the resulting poem is wonderful. It must be a treat to take one of Georgia Heard's classes, as well. I'm excited to win a copy of Hop to It! A poetry book in English is hard to find readily here in Switzerland. (I will give you my US address and my sister will ship it to me in Switzerland.) Thank you again! : ) 10/3/2020 07:50:14 pm
Jone, i appreciate your revision story. It is always great to read through someone else's notebook process. Words that sparkle for me are moonrise and celestial bowls. I also like the flow of the poem and the pattern you use to continue the thread of thought.
Mary Lee
10/4/2020 04:33:41 am
I adore process posts! Thanks for giving us this peek into your revisions! 10/4/2020 07:40:21 pm
I love your "lesser moons," Jone, and the peek into your revision process! Dreamy result, indeed. Thanks for sharing! :0) 10/5/2020 04:55:53 pm
Thanks for sharing these peeks into your process, Jone. Those celestial watermelon seeds -- I'm imagining looking up at the summer night sky. Comments are closed.
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April 1 Mary Lee Hahn, Another Year of Reading April 2 Heidi Mordhorst, My Juicy Little Universe April 3 Tabatha, The Opposite of Indifference April 4 Buffy Silverman April 5 Rose Cappelli, Imagine the Possibilities April 6 Donna Smith, Mainely Write April 7 Margaret Simon, Reflections on the Teche April 8 Leigh Anne, A Day in the Life April 9 Linda Mitchell, A Word Edgewise April 10 Denise Krebs, Dare to Care April 11 Emma Roller, Penguins and Poems April 12 Dave Roller, Leap Of Dave April 13 Irene Latham Live You Poem April 14 Janice Scully, Salt City Verse April 15 Jone Rush MacCulloch April 16 Linda Baie, TeacherDance April 17 Carol Varsalona, Beyond Literacy Link April 18 Marcie Atkins April 19 Carol Labuzzetta at The Apples in My Orchard April 20 Cathy Hutter, Poeturescapes April 21 Sarah Grace Tuttle, Sarah Grace Tuttle’s Blog, April 22 Marilyn Garcia April 23 Catherine, Reading to the Core April 24 Janet Fagal, hosted by Tabatha, The Opposite of Indifference April 25 Ruth, There is no Such Thing as a God-Forsaken Town April 26 Patricia J. Franz, Reverie April 27 Theresa Gaughan, Theresa’s Teaching Tidbits April 28 Karin Fisher-Golton, Still in Awe Blog April 29 Karen Eastlund, Karen’s Got a Blog April 30 Michelle Kogan Illustration, Painting, and Writing |