Jone Rush MacCulloch
  • Blog
  • About
  • 2020 NPM: Food, Family, Feasts
  • Poetry Friday Hosts
  • Blog
  • About
  • 2020 NPM: Food, Family, Feasts
  • Poetry Friday Hosts

Poetry Friday: The Journey of Revising

10/1/2020

10 Comments

 
Picture
So glad to see that Tabatha at The Opposite of Indifference is providing all the poetry goodness this week.
I've been taking a poetry class through Georgia Heard's The Poet's Studio. It's a reminder if the importance in connecting with other poets during this crazy time period of history.

For the final assignment, we focused on the music and sounds with poetry.  Given the option to revise a poem, I chose Grandmother's Garden. I was surprised today to discover I actually wrote the original poem, almost ten years ago! 

we waited for moonrise
atop the roof
while the beets grew
lesser moons below
in the garden soil
we forgot to plow
stars flickered
as we tried remembering
constellations
and slugs harvested
garden greens
in the garden soil
we forgot to plow as
we waited for moonrise
atop the roof
​

Below are the pages from my notebook.  I decided to write the 2010 poem as a pantuom in 2016. So for class I looked at the sounds by color coding sounds and thinking about revisions such as moving it to present tense.
Picture
Picture
I've been thinking about the comments and feedback from class. One thing I have spent time with over the past few days is the purpose of this poem. For me, it's the dreamlike quality of waiting for the moon to rise in late summer.  It's a magical moment.  A comment was made about the word "pummel".  The idea of watermelon seeds flying through the sky makes me smile but I wondered if pummel was the best word for this dream like poem. So I changed the word, Same with the line, "Then Ursa Major growls, bares her teeth".  I love that image but I was it what I really wanted?  So I made a change in that line as well. 
Picture
In Grandmother’s Garden
by Jone Rush MacCulloch
 
We wait for moonrise
in grandmother’s garden
Below us, beets, the lesser moons grow
loamy soil between our toes

 in grandmother’s garden
we search for slinking nightcrawlers
loamy soil between our toes
watermelon seeds soar through the sky

 we search for slinking nightcrawlers
slugs harvest zucchini flowers
watermelon seeds soar through the sky
as stars in a celestial bowl

slugs harvest zucchini flowers
purple-blackberries ripen on vines

as stars in a celestial bowl
nectar bats hover low 
 
purple-blackberries ripen on vines
below us, beets, the lesser moons grow

nectar bats hover low
We wait for moonrise


Five Winners for a Copy of HOP TO IT
​edited by
Janet  Wong and Sylvia Vardell

Picture
CONGRATULATIONS TO 

Irene Latham
Michelle Kogan
Sara Lewis Holmes
Bridget Magee
Carol Labuzetta

Please HOP TO IT and email me at macrush53 @ yahoo dot com with your snail mail address so the books can be sent out mid-October.
Much thanks to Pomelo Books for providing copies.
10 Comments
Linda Baie link
10/2/2020 12:37:43 pm

I love the "stars in a celestial bowl/nectar bats hover low" and enjoyed seeing the changes, Jone.

Reply
Tabatha
10/2/2020 12:50:20 pm

Good job capturing the dreamlike quality you were striving for! Your poem creates a mood that is otherworldly and earthy at the same time. 💜

Reply
Becky Herzog link
10/2/2020 01:29:32 pm

Thank you for sharing your revision process. I am always curious on how to revise. It can feel so daunting! Your poem is wonderful!

Reply
Linda Mitchell
10/3/2020 02:21:07 am

Oh, Jone! You had me at waiting for moonrise....and then the lesesr moons of the beets below. Wow. Well done. A gorgeous poem. I hope you share this with others in your generation who remember this Grandma.

Reply
Bridget Magee link
10/3/2020 07:43:04 am

Thank you for this peek into your revision process, Jone! Fascinating! And the resulting poem is wonderful. It must be a treat to take one of Georgia Heard's classes, as well. I'm excited to win a copy of Hop to It! A poetry book in English is hard to find readily here in Switzerland. (I will give you my US address and my sister will ship it to me in Switzerland.) Thank you again! : )

Reply
Ruth link
10/3/2020 11:13:36 am

Very cool to see the process! Thanks for sharing this lovely poem.

Reply
Carol Varsalona link
10/3/2020 07:50:14 pm

Jone, i appreciate your revision story. It is always great to read through someone else's notebook process. Words that sparkle for me are moonrise and celestial bowls. I also like the flow of the poem and the pattern you use to continue the thread of thought.

Reply
Mary Lee
10/4/2020 04:33:41 am

I adore process posts! Thanks for giving us this peek into your revisions!

Reply
Robyn Hood Black link
10/4/2020 07:40:21 pm

I love your "lesser moons," Jone, and the peek into your revision process! Dreamy result, indeed. Thanks for sharing! :0)

Reply
Laura Shovan link
10/5/2020 04:55:53 pm

Thanks for sharing these peeks into your process, Jone. Those celestial watermelon seeds -- I'm imagining looking up at the summer night sky.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    All photos and poems in these blog posts are copyrighted to Jone Rush MacCulloch 2006- Present. Please do not copy, reprint or reproduce without written permission from me.

    Subscribe

    Categories

    All
    Astoria
    Autumn
    Books
    Carnivorous Plants
    Family
    Food
    Found Poems
    Free Verse
    Giveaway
    #gratiku
    Haiku
    #haikudiary
    Halloween
    Heidi Mordhorst
    HOP TO IT
    Irene Latham
    Janet Wong
    Johanna Wright
    Monday Musing
    Morning
    Mud Puddle
    Mystery
    Natural World
    New Year Postcards
    Notebooks
    Pacific Northwest
    Poetry Friday
    Rain
    Robyn Hood Black
    Scottish Gaelic
    Sunday Solace
    Sunset
    Sylvia Vardell
    Tabatha Yeatts
    This Poem Is A Nest\
    Tritina
    Winter
    Winter Poetry Swap
    Wordless Wednesday
    Yosemite National Park

    Archives

    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.