  In August, I started this as a writing prompt from the Mud Puddle. This month, I took a class from Georgia Heard. She has The Poet's Studio and it's a great way to be in community of poets. We were to write a poem that uses the ears and revise it. I went to this poem, My revisions, before class and after. BEFORE CLASS The Window at Dawn By Jone Rush MacCulloch At dawn Crocosmia shows its blooms- an invitation Hummingbirds sip nectar refuel mid-flight At dawn a cloud of bushtits hang upside down- pecking suet Juncos flit between feeders breakfast on nuts and seeds At dawn grey squirrel flicks his tail a party crasher scampers across the railing A fluster of feathers AFTER CLASS At Dawn By Jone Rush MacCulloch Hummingbirds sip crocosmia nectar, refuel mid-flight. A cloud of bushtits hang upside down- pecking suet. Juncos flit between feeders breakfast on nuts and seeds. Grey squirrel flicks his tail, a party crasher, scampers across the railing a fluster of feathers.  CROCOSMIA Please join me here next week for Poetry Friday.
9 Comments
Each of these immersions in wildlife at your door are beautiful Jone! The notebook with your high-class doodles, the photograph with this bright new-to-me flower, make a beautiful package with the poems. If forced to vote, I would tip toward the revision. And those two ending couplets of that revised one - wow! 1/29/2021 05:17:17 pm
Revision it is! 100 days of notebooking. There's strength in routine and rituals.
Linda Mitchell
1/30/2021 04:22:02 am
Wow, Jone! That revision really gets to the essence of dawn. I'm impressed. I hope you'll share more jewels from your learning. The sound and feel of those birds in the air is lovely. 1/30/2021 05:19:27 am
Jone, I love how the shape of your revision feels pared down and puts more emphasis on the sounds. I especially hear the "f" sounds more, and it feels more sprightly, like birds flitting and fluttering through the dawn! 1/30/2021 08:26:46 am
Hi Jone. It's good to see these again, and I honestly am not sure which I like best. They are both beautiful with a different feel. I wrote once a picture book story about a squirrel at a bird feeder. Lot's of drama there!
Kay Jernigan McGriff
1/30/2021 04:27:19 pm
I was captivated by the first version, and then the intensity of the second one blew me away. 1/31/2021 05:37:53 am
I love that "fluster of feathers', Jone. Your revision cuts the poem down to the "heart" of what is seen. 2/2/2021 08:51:32 am
Hi upcoming PF host Jone! Leave a Reply. |
AuthorAll photos and poems in these blog posts are copyrighted to Jone Rush MacCulloch 2006- Present. Please do not copy, reprint or reproduce without written permission from me. 
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