Poetry Friday: A Poem From Georgia Heard's Class

1/29/2021

Jan at Bookseedstudio Optional theme: Sing!

In August, I started this as a writing prompt from the Mud Puddle.

This month, I took a class from Georgia Heard. She has The Poet's Studio and it's a great way to be in community of poets. We were to write a poem that uses the ears and revise it. I went to this poem,
My revisions, before class and after.
BEFORE CLASS

The Window at Dawn
By Jone Rush MacCulloch

At dawn
Crocosmia shows its blooms-
an invitation
Hummingbirds sip nectar
refuel mid-flight

At dawn
a cloud of bushtits hang
upside down- pecking suet
Juncos flit between feeders
breakfast on nuts and seeds

At dawn
grey squirrel flicks his tail
a party crasher
scampers across the railing
A fluster of feathers

AFTER CLASS

At Dawn
By Jone Rush MacCulloch

Hummingbirds sip crocosmia
nectar, refuel mid-flight.

A cloud of bushtits hang
upside down- pecking suet.

Juncos flit between feeders
breakfast on nuts and seeds.

Grey squirrel flicks his tail,
a party crasher,

scampers across the railing
a fluster of feathers.

CROCOSMIA

Please join me here next week for Poetry Friday.

Jan link

1/29/2021 04:33:28 pm

Each of these immersions in wildlife at your door are beautiful Jone! The notebook with your high-class doodles, the photograph with this bright new-to-me flower, make a beautiful package with the poems. If forced to vote, I would tip toward the revision. And those two ending couplets of that revised one - wow!

Carol Varsalona link

1/29/2021 05:17:17 pm

Revision it is! 100 days of notebooking. There's strength in routine and rituals.

Linda Mitchell

1/30/2021 04:22:02 am

Wow, Jone! That revision really gets to the essence of dawn. I'm impressed. I hope you'll share more jewels from your learning. The sound and feel of those birds in the air is lovely.

Laura Purdie Salas link

1/30/2021 05:19:27 am

Jone, I love how the shape of your revision feels pared down and puts more emphasis on the sounds. I especially hear the "f" sounds more, and it feels more sprightly, like birds flitting and fluttering through the dawn!

janice scully link

1/30/2021 08:26:46 am

Hi Jone. It's good to see these again, and I honestly am not sure which I like best. They are both beautiful with a different feel. I wrote once a picture book story about a squirrel at a bird feeder. Lot's of drama there!

Ruth link

1/30/2021 04:19:55 pm

I'm so jealous of your class, and the poem is lovely in both versions!

Kay Jernigan McGriff

1/30/2021 04:27:19 pm

I was captivated by the first version, and then the intensity of the second one blew me away.

Linda Baie link

1/31/2021 05:37:53 am

I love that "fluster of feathers', Jone. Your revision cuts the poem down to the "heart" of what is seen.

jan/bookseedstudio link

2/2/2021 08:51:32 am

Hi upcoming PF host Jone!
Appreciations for these beautiful flowers on page & foto, for your doodled notebooks that sing, for everything. I vote for each of the versions ~ they both have "fluster of flowers" which makes my heart flutter.
You are singing for sure!
xo ~~ Jan/Bookseedstudio

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Poetry Friday: A Poem From Georgia Heard's Class

Please join me here next week for Poetry Friday.

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