 Welcome to Poetry Friday. It is being hosted by Carol at Carol's Corner. She's introducing us to poet, Jeannette Encinias. I was clearing out an old computer and discovered the following poem. I am not exactly sure of the date it was written but I suspect in 2008 or 2009. I don't really remember writing it. I decided to revise it for sharing today. UPDATE: Apparently the original poem was in this post in 2010. Just Two Kids just two kids, sister and brother who played hide n’ seek as we rambled down the street me afraid of quicksand, you collected blue bellied lizards. played hide n’ seek until dusk’s blanket hid us all me afraid of quicksand, you collected blue bellied lizards I escaped inside a book while you looked through a telescope until dusk’s blanket hid us all nightly routines: dishes, homework, practice the violin I escaped inside a book while you looked through a telescope parents sat at the kitchen table, drinks in hand nightly routines: dishes, homework, practice the violin television droned on and on, with the body counts parents sat at the kitchen table, drinks in hand I plotted my escape to college television droned on and on, with the body counts as we rambled down the street I plotted my escape to college just two kids, sister and brother ©jone rush macculloch, draft 2008, 2009? Just Two Kids just two kids, sister and brother who played hide n’ seek and rambled down the street orange blossoms permeated the air one afraid of quicksand, the other collected blue bellied lizards. who played hide n’ seek and rambled down the street until dusk’s blanket hid us all one afraid of quicksand, the other collected blue bellied lizards. one escaped inside a book while the other looked through a telescope until dusk’s blanket hid us all nightly routines: dishes, homework, practice the violin one escaped inside a book while the other looked through a telescope parents sat at the kitchen table table , drinks in hand nightly routines: dishes, homework, practice the violin television droned on and on, with the body counts parents sat at the kitchen table, drinks in hand one plotted an escape to college, the other joined the service television droned on and on, with the body counts orange blossoms permeated the air one plotted an escape to college, the other joined the service just two kids, sister and brother ©jone rush macculloch, revised-probably still a draft, 2021 6/10/2021 08:32:09 pm
Wow! I can't believe you forgot you wrote this! It definitely needs to be out in the world! So gorgeously crafted!
Gail Aldous
6/10/2021 11:28:24 pm
Wow, what an excellent poem with such a difficult form! I agree with Carol. I love your addition of "orange blossoms permeated the air" and how the sense of smell brings the reader in. My favorite line is "until dusk's blanket hid us all." How I love all the detailed images. I also love the effect this contrasting line "television droned on and on, with the body counts" gives to the rest of the poem. Wow! Are you referring to the Vietnam War? Maybe this poem could lead you to writing a verse novel. Your poem keeps replaying in my mind; I love that. 6/11/2021 06:56:39 am
Beautiful additions with those orange blossoms, Jone. I love the looking back about you and your brother, the set details of what made each of you "you" & that background of 'body counts' and 'drinks in hand' fixes the time exactly. I'm glad you found, revised, & shared again! 6/11/2021 10:12:48 am
I too like the addition of orange blossoms, as it really helps us know the setting more. The poem speaks of family and growing and leaving--escaping even to college and the service. I like that you revisited your poem after more than a decade.
Linda Mitchell
6/12/2021 03:55:34 am
I like how this poem is so dreamy and like anyone's evening until that phrase "body counts" and I am plunked right down into a specific time and place and can even see what the place looked like in my mind's eye. I agree with Carol. Keep this one going...there's a treasure here. 6/12/2021 07:10:24 am
Your poem reminds me of my growing up with brothers, and then having them join the service in the late sixties. Lovey poem, Jone, and revision. It's great that you dusted it off and shared it.
Mary Lee
6/13/2021 01:01:29 pm
I like the change to third person, and the pantoum form works well with this. Three cheers for discoveries and revisions! 6/13/2021 06:33:45 pm
Jone, you did a great job of revising your poem. I think it is a powerful piece, reflective and introspective. I agree with others about changing to the third person. It has enhanced your piece. Comments are closed.
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AuthorAll photos and poems in these blog posts are copyrighted to Jone Rush MacCulloch 2006- Present. Please do not copy, reprint or reproduce without written permission from me. 
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